Forgiveness

I read a paragraph a few days ago and thought it very enlightening. I'd like to share it with you here. It's about forgiveness and the process we tend and need to go through.

"Why is it hard to forgive others? Usually because we believe that they are 90% to blame for the problem, that I am not as bad as they are. So I start to carry the load of other people's actions. If my ego is too hurt, I will have the sense of correction, of justice: 'I know I am right', 'That is not fair'. But if I start to forgive from the heart, sincerely, I remain humble and this forgiveness will bring me closer to others. Then I do not carry regrets or anger, I just let go and remain light."

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. Forgiving someone isn't about them, it's about you. It's about you gaining some balance of yourself back on that particular situation where you've been hurt or angry. I was once told I was 99% to be blamed for the failure of a relationship, and I blamed that person in return for his shortcomings. We've all been on both sides of the coin: we've been furious and hurt by others and we've also hurt or annoyed someone, so forgiving is not just for the few, but for the masses.

Forgiving someone is a decision that you make to yourself to embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy for you.

Eco Jewelry

The concept of Eco Jewelry isn't new to many persons. It's been around for centuries from using branches and flowers for bridal headwear to twigs for rings. There's one blog I'd like to give a shout out to today. It's called Eco Jewelry.

The concept is simple: help alleviate poverty, use recyclable material, save our natural heritage and promote a rich culture. The pieces are unique and placed in a contemporary style.


So please check Michelle's blog and purchase an Eco Jewelry for yourself or a loved one: www.ecojewelrygy.com

10 Things I've learned in the last year

Here is a list of 10 things I have learned from the last year. Oftentimes, thinking about your life and sorting out what you've learned is just as important as tackling new adventures.

(1) Happiness is a choice, not a dependency.

(2) Your feelings/reaction towards others are oftentimes a reflection of how you feel about yourself (Thank you, Daniel, for teaching me this xoxo).

(3) We think approximately 50,000 - 60,000 thoughts daily. Controlling and changing them are entirely up to you. Think positively!

(4) People can and do change. Nothing is ever constant, and this applies to humans too. Sometimes that change is for the better, and sometimes for the worse.

(5) Honesty is tough, but in the end it is the far kinder alternative.

(6) It's all about fear in our lives: fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of getting caught, fear of making a mistake. But making mistakes beats the hell out of never trying.

(7) You cannot make someone love you, no matter how much you want or wish them to. This does not mean that you aren't loved by others.

(8) Where I am does not determine where I am going.

(9) Your health is your life. Take it from someone who's been ill for the past year!

(10) Take lots of pictures, no matter if you didn't look quite as picturesque as you'd like. Someday you’ll be really glad you did.

Who Am I?

Last night I was aiming to get my Zen on by attending a meditation session. When you picture the term 'meditation', it's often you or someone sitting on the floor, in a quiet place, focusing your attention on an object, say a candle, and letting your mind go blank. That's what I thought I'd be doing. Turns out there are more than one way to meditate and oftentimes meditation simply means being in a calm state and being present with who you are. But who am I? This question was posed to the gathering.

Who am I? I sat in that room clueless as ever. The goal of my mind going blank was officially achieved! It's a simple but profound question. If there is one thing we should all know above everything else, is who we are. Things tend to get a bit murky to downright dirty, though, over the years due to others telling us who we should be. For example, boys are told that being in the kitchen is for girls, while girls are told that engineering are for boys. "You're smart so you should be a doctor". "You're not going to get very far in life with those grades so it's best to do something that requires less brain power". So from the onset, you're gathering information from others to tell you who you should be.

When asked this question, many persons said, I am [insert your name]. This is merely a label to identify you. Some say I am a [insert your career or social status]. At this point, the speaker said something that stuck with me throughout the session, "What you do depends on who you are". So identifying yourself through your career, as I've done most of my life, is merely the role we play at this particular time.

Some persons have invested countless hours and money in their experiences and therefore, they assume that the result of these experiences makes them who they are. For example, throughout her childhood, Mary was told that she’d never find a husband who will accept her due to her being differently able. She grew up thinking that she was incapable of being loved. She knows better now. She has changed her perception of herself, shedding the information of who she should be as prescribed by others.

On this journey to discovering who I am, we were told that, "We are all peaceful beings". The core goal each human being tries to achieve is peace. Peace awakens thoughts of calmness, confidence, and is related to happiness and love. Forget what others have labeled you as - angry, emotionally unstable, stubborn. That's their perception of who you are. We're shedding the build-up of information given to us by others. We're starting at the core. We're all peaceful beings.

Achieving peace though is grueling and obstreperous work. I forget that I'm SUPPOSE to be a peaceful person when my assistant doesn't come to work that day due to the flu and there are two important deadlines the same day, when I get woken at 2AM by "sorry, wrong number", when someone's using my computer to 'check email' and I have several important reports and deadline to meet.

Our thoughts are the key we're told. Changing your thoughts can change your perception of the situation and change how you feel. If we have a negative thought at the beginning of the day, oftentimes our entire day becomes chaotic. If we wake up feeling good and positive, our day begins like an adventure, we're more willing to be tolerant. Tolerant also comes from accepting. We're more accepting of shortcomings from persons whom we love. Translating this to your boss may be an interesting process.

So how do we go about achieving this peace? We were told to wake early in the morning (a challenge in itself!) and have a conversation with yourself, reminding yourself and repeating the words "I am a peaceful being". Before running errands, conversing with anyone else, before the kids and the husband, and before thinking of that 'to-do' list that's running through your head at 100 miles per hr, remind yourself that you are a peaceful being.

The first step is important. I went to bed with the intention of waking up to converse with myself, beginning the journey to discovering who I am, so the next time someone asks me this, I’ll have some clue to who I am.

How do you measure a year in a life?

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear,
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee,
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure a year in a life?

One could measure their lives by the experiences they have been through, or by the gifts of ourselves we give to others. Maybe life is measured in the countries we've traveled, the things we've accomplished, the money we've accumulated, the things we've written, the lives we've saved?

The last year will more likely be measured in emotional journeys for me, in laughter and tears, in truths learned, in disappointments and hopefully if the song continues to hold, in seasons of love. There are so many ways we’ll stretch ourselves this year - career, family, friends, countless obligations and hardships. Is it even possible to measure what this year will bring? I’ll tell you in 525,600 minutes.

How do you measure a year in a life?

August is Camus

I've recently completed reading The Fall by Albert Camus. The Fall tells the story of Jean-Baptiste Clamence, a Parisian lawyer, who now spends his days reminiscing his life in a seedy bar in Amsterdam. His once selfless life is now judged as hypocritical and self-absorbed. Many times I felt as if we were truly honest about our behaviours and actions in society, most of us would see great similarities between ours and Jean-Baptiste's life.

The basis of the story is compelling. It decrees that we are each responsible for everything that is happening around us - poverty, discrimination, corruption, war, global warming - by either through our actions or through our silence. Imagine for a minute, what that meant about you, for you. How would you, as an individual, deal with this situation? This is where The Fall comes it....

Besides the captivating story, the narrative Camus uses is also interesting. He speaks directly to the reader, as if you were the friend that Jean-Baptiste speaks to in that sordid bar.

So for this August, I'm aiming to read this 1957 Nobel Peace laureate's other two big novels: (1) The Stranger which was published in 1942; and (2) The Plague which was published in 1956.

I think Audre Lorde said it best, "It is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken".

Finding Me again

For the last year, I've been in hiding. Hiding from friends, career, dreams, life. I was better than any CIA agent out there.

Six years ago, I fell in love with someone whom I believed in, more than I believed in myself. Last year, he left and I was shattered. He blamed me solely for his leaving, as I allegedly drove him to other women. Just a speck at a time and suddenly there’s fuzzy grey matter where I used to be. I didn't recognise the woman I was, didn't know what were my likes and dislikes, didn't know how to live a life not entangled in his. So I hid. Within 2 weeks my family thought I should be over a man whom I've been loving for the last 5 yrs. No one wanted to listen to a whimpering baby 24/7. It was easier to say nothing than to explain how I felt. Covert operation: bleeding heart disguised as a responsible adult.

Many of my friends and family judged me. "Why didn't you leave him?" "You're a smart woman, why did you let him do this to you?" "What were you thinking?" Many persons don't realise that you'll change your "deal breakers" under such circumstances. I did. I was in love. I thought he'd be the man I fell in love with again. The man I believed in.

It’s difficult to recognize loss of yourself, especially when it occurs just one molecule at a time. So little by little, day after day, month after month, I started rebuilding myself. Acceptance was the hardest part. Acceptance that things happen for a reason and finding that meaning. Acceptance that this has happened and that it cannot change, no matter how much I want otherwise. Recognition of how much he meant to me followed. He was my favourite person in the world, in spite of all the fights and hurt. I may thought he was my soulmate but I clearly wasn't his. Forgiving myself came next. Many mistakes were made as I am human as was he.

With time, patience, and compassion for myself, I have found my centre again. And today, there is no more hiding.