Forgiveness

I read a paragraph a few days ago and thought it very enlightening. I'd like to share it with you here. It's about forgiveness and the process we tend and need to go through.

"Why is it hard to forgive others? Usually because we believe that they are 90% to blame for the problem, that I am not as bad as they are. So I start to carry the load of other people's actions. If my ego is too hurt, I will have the sense of correction, of justice: 'I know I am right', 'That is not fair'. But if I start to forgive from the heart, sincerely, I remain humble and this forgiveness will bring me closer to others. Then I do not carry regrets or anger, I just let go and remain light."

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. Forgiving someone isn't about them, it's about you. It's about you gaining some balance of yourself back on that particular situation where you've been hurt or angry. I was once told I was 99% to be blamed for the failure of a relationship, and I blamed that person in return for his shortcomings. We've all been on both sides of the coin: we've been furious and hurt by others and we've also hurt or annoyed someone, so forgiving is not just for the few, but for the masses.

Forgiving someone is a decision that you make to yourself to embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy for you.

Eco Jewelry

The concept of Eco Jewelry isn't new to many persons. It's been around for centuries from using branches and flowers for bridal headwear to twigs for rings. There's one blog I'd like to give a shout out to today. It's called Eco Jewelry.

The concept is simple: help alleviate poverty, use recyclable material, save our natural heritage and promote a rich culture. The pieces are unique and placed in a contemporary style.


So please check Michelle's blog and purchase an Eco Jewelry for yourself or a loved one: www.ecojewelrygy.com

10 Things I've learned in the last year

Here is a list of 10 things I have learned from the last year. Oftentimes, thinking about your life and sorting out what you've learned is just as important as tackling new adventures.

(1) Happiness is a choice, not a dependency.

(2) Your feelings/reaction towards others are oftentimes a reflection of how you feel about yourself (Thank you, Daniel, for teaching me this xoxo).

(3) We think approximately 50,000 - 60,000 thoughts daily. Controlling and changing them are entirely up to you. Think positively!

(4) People can and do change. Nothing is ever constant, and this applies to humans too. Sometimes that change is for the better, and sometimes for the worse.

(5) Honesty is tough, but in the end it is the far kinder alternative.

(6) It's all about fear in our lives: fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of getting caught, fear of making a mistake. But making mistakes beats the hell out of never trying.

(7) You cannot make someone love you, no matter how much you want or wish them to. This does not mean that you aren't loved by others.

(8) Where I am does not determine where I am going.

(9) Your health is your life. Take it from someone who's been ill for the past year!

(10) Take lots of pictures, no matter if you didn't look quite as picturesque as you'd like. Someday you’ll be really glad you did.

Who Am I?

Last night I was aiming to get my Zen on by attending a meditation session. When you picture the term 'meditation', it's often you or someone sitting on the floor, in a quiet place, focusing your attention on an object, say a candle, and letting your mind go blank. That's what I thought I'd be doing. Turns out there are more than one way to meditate and oftentimes meditation simply means being in a calm state and being present with who you are. But who am I? This question was posed to the gathering.

Who am I? I sat in that room clueless as ever. The goal of my mind going blank was officially achieved! It's a simple but profound question. If there is one thing we should all know above everything else, is who we are. Things tend to get a bit murky to downright dirty, though, over the years due to others telling us who we should be. For example, boys are told that being in the kitchen is for girls, while girls are told that engineering are for boys. "You're smart so you should be a doctor". "You're not going to get very far in life with those grades so it's best to do something that requires less brain power". So from the onset, you're gathering information from others to tell you who you should be.

When asked this question, many persons said, I am [insert your name]. This is merely a label to identify you. Some say I am a [insert your career or social status]. At this point, the speaker said something that stuck with me throughout the session, "What you do depends on who you are". So identifying yourself through your career, as I've done most of my life, is merely the role we play at this particular time.

Some persons have invested countless hours and money in their experiences and therefore, they assume that the result of these experiences makes them who they are. For example, throughout her childhood, Mary was told that she’d never find a husband who will accept her due to her being differently able. She grew up thinking that she was incapable of being loved. She knows better now. She has changed her perception of herself, shedding the information of who she should be as prescribed by others.

On this journey to discovering who I am, we were told that, "We are all peaceful beings". The core goal each human being tries to achieve is peace. Peace awakens thoughts of calmness, confidence, and is related to happiness and love. Forget what others have labeled you as - angry, emotionally unstable, stubborn. That's their perception of who you are. We're shedding the build-up of information given to us by others. We're starting at the core. We're all peaceful beings.

Achieving peace though is grueling and obstreperous work. I forget that I'm SUPPOSE to be a peaceful person when my assistant doesn't come to work that day due to the flu and there are two important deadlines the same day, when I get woken at 2AM by "sorry, wrong number", when someone's using my computer to 'check email' and I have several important reports and deadline to meet.

Our thoughts are the key we're told. Changing your thoughts can change your perception of the situation and change how you feel. If we have a negative thought at the beginning of the day, oftentimes our entire day becomes chaotic. If we wake up feeling good and positive, our day begins like an adventure, we're more willing to be tolerant. Tolerant also comes from accepting. We're more accepting of shortcomings from persons whom we love. Translating this to your boss may be an interesting process.

So how do we go about achieving this peace? We were told to wake early in the morning (a challenge in itself!) and have a conversation with yourself, reminding yourself and repeating the words "I am a peaceful being". Before running errands, conversing with anyone else, before the kids and the husband, and before thinking of that 'to-do' list that's running through your head at 100 miles per hr, remind yourself that you are a peaceful being.

The first step is important. I went to bed with the intention of waking up to converse with myself, beginning the journey to discovering who I am, so the next time someone asks me this, I’ll have some clue to who I am.

How do you measure a year in a life?

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear,
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee,
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure a year in a life?

One could measure their lives by the experiences they have been through, or by the gifts of ourselves we give to others. Maybe life is measured in the countries we've traveled, the things we've accomplished, the money we've accumulated, the things we've written, the lives we've saved?

The last year will more likely be measured in emotional journeys for me, in laughter and tears, in truths learned, in disappointments and hopefully if the song continues to hold, in seasons of love. There are so many ways we’ll stretch ourselves this year - career, family, friends, countless obligations and hardships. Is it even possible to measure what this year will bring? I’ll tell you in 525,600 minutes.

How do you measure a year in a life?

August is Camus

I've recently completed reading The Fall by Albert Camus. The Fall tells the story of Jean-Baptiste Clamence, a Parisian lawyer, who now spends his days reminiscing his life in a seedy bar in Amsterdam. His once selfless life is now judged as hypocritical and self-absorbed. Many times I felt as if we were truly honest about our behaviours and actions in society, most of us would see great similarities between ours and Jean-Baptiste's life.

The basis of the story is compelling. It decrees that we are each responsible for everything that is happening around us - poverty, discrimination, corruption, war, global warming - by either through our actions or through our silence. Imagine for a minute, what that meant about you, for you. How would you, as an individual, deal with this situation? This is where The Fall comes it....

Besides the captivating story, the narrative Camus uses is also interesting. He speaks directly to the reader, as if you were the friend that Jean-Baptiste speaks to in that sordid bar.

So for this August, I'm aiming to read this 1957 Nobel Peace laureate's other two big novels: (1) The Stranger which was published in 1942; and (2) The Plague which was published in 1956.

I think Audre Lorde said it best, "It is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken".

Finding Me again

For the last year, I've been in hiding. Hiding from friends, career, dreams, life. I was better than any CIA agent out there.

Six years ago, I fell in love with someone whom I believed in, more than I believed in myself. Last year, he left and I was shattered. He blamed me solely for his leaving, as I allegedly drove him to other women. Just a speck at a time and suddenly there’s fuzzy grey matter where I used to be. I didn't recognise the woman I was, didn't know what were my likes and dislikes, didn't know how to live a life not entangled in his. So I hid. Within 2 weeks my family thought I should be over a man whom I've been loving for the last 5 yrs. No one wanted to listen to a whimpering baby 24/7. It was easier to say nothing than to explain how I felt. Covert operation: bleeding heart disguised as a responsible adult.

Many of my friends and family judged me. "Why didn't you leave him?" "You're a smart woman, why did you let him do this to you?" "What were you thinking?" Many persons don't realise that you'll change your "deal breakers" under such circumstances. I did. I was in love. I thought he'd be the man I fell in love with again. The man I believed in.

It’s difficult to recognize loss of yourself, especially when it occurs just one molecule at a time. So little by little, day after day, month after month, I started rebuilding myself. Acceptance was the hardest part. Acceptance that things happen for a reason and finding that meaning. Acceptance that this has happened and that it cannot change, no matter how much I want otherwise. Recognition of how much he meant to me followed. He was my favourite person in the world, in spite of all the fights and hurt. I may thought he was my soulmate but I clearly wasn't his. Forgiving myself came next. Many mistakes were made as I am human as was he.

With time, patience, and compassion for myself, I have found my centre again. And today, there is no more hiding.

Right Place, Right Time

Yesterday, I returned a book which I borrowed. I had intended to return the said novel at 1:00PM, but was delayed at the doctor's office. An hour later, book delivered, I happily skipped home to start another. A few minutes later, I received a text warning me that I should be careful when returning the book as the owner of the book was held at gun point in her office at 1:00PM. Luckily no one was hurt. Had I gone there when I intended, I would have been caught in the situation.

The universe has a plan that is constantly moving, making sure you're exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time.

Made in China

A friend of mine was recently watching the Tyra Banks Show, informing me that we can now purchase hymens from China. After falling off my chair laughing, curiosity got the better of me and I went online to see what this benevolent thing looked like. Lo and behold! I found the sacred hymen (or at least its look-alike).

Apparently, women can now "revirginate" themselves using this US$29 artificial hymen. Sold by Gigimo, a Chinese company and described as “soluble and expandable”, the pouch is placed in the vagina about 20 minutes before sex. The hymen then squirts a blood-looking liquid when penetrated (where US$29 is too expensive, I reckon you can grab a handful of ketchup packets from your local burger joint and no one would know the difference). Importantly though, I can see how this 'sex toy' (as this is what it is being sold as) can be life saving for women living in countries and societies where honour killings are still prevalent.

Like most things in our lives, our hymens are now 'Made in China'.

SEEing YOU

Oftentimes we are encouraged to see our weaknesses, and rarely our strengths. We are habitually taught we will fail, and upon failure to tear ourselves apart in order to fix those shortcomings. So it is often hard to enjoy success, no matter how small each success might be.

Developing and even maintaining positive self-esteem may be difficult in our society today where we are told that who we are is not good enough. There are countless ads encouraging us to have better skin, better hair, better bodies, better teeth, a life filled with endless happiness if we just fixed ourselves. Everyday we are faced with countless situations where our self-esteem and self-confidence takes a sound beating.

But the next time you feel less than your beautiful self, remember SEEING you. SEEING, as defined by Martha Beck, is Self-Esteem Exit into Numinous Gorgeousness. Beck asks us to do 3 simple but weird things to help our walloped self-esteem bounce right back:

(1) Draw Upside Down: This tactic shuts down your verbal mind where all the past negativity resides, by copying a picture that you've turned upside down. After our verbal thinking has slowed down, beauty will emerge.

(2) Open your focus: by softening your eyes. Beck encourages us to read a paragraph, look up at whatever is in front of you, then without moving your eyes, allow your attention to broaden, taking in everything you see. Slowly your attention will expand to include everything you can hear, smell, feel, and taste. This also shuts off our negative thinking process, allowing us to appreciate the larger world around us.

And last, but not least. (3) Feel the rhythm of life: by doing a rhythmic activity such as dancing, swimming or whirling!

It is important for all of us to remember and celebrate our strengths and achievements. After all, "you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection".

Prove you exist

"In everything you do, in everything you say, prove you exist."

I have fallen in love with those last three words. It gives you hope that today is the day you can accomplish anything.

Dumb Geniuses and Our Oceans

Day 82 of the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill and the disaster is no where close to reaching its death. Approximately, 5 million barrels of oil has spilled into the ocean to-date, at a rate of 60,000 per day. It has surpassed the US daily oil production of 4.95 million barrels. Approximately 0.7 million barrels more and it will exceed the 1991 Persian Gulf oil spill. The figures are staggering. The social and health impacts are heartbreaking. The longterm environmental consequences will be devastating. The perfect Pandora's box.

One of BP's idea for plugging the spill was shooting golf balls, known as the infamous 'Junk Shot', down the well. Are they serious?! This is something my friends would have come up with after having one too many beers. "Wouldn't it be funny to see a million golf balls in the Gulf!" These are supposed to be the smartest people in the world and that's their idea for caping a spill one mile underwater?

The oil spill which was largely seen as an American problem, now has international repercussions. Cuba has already spotted oil masses approximately 100 miles offshore. Somewhere along the line, BP's geniuses forgot that the ocean has currents. If you've ever lost a hat or slippers in the ocean, you'll recognise that the ocean doesn't stay still, and those flip-flops are on their way to the other side of the world by now. If the oil slick approaches closer to Cuba, it has the potential of entering the Caribbean waters, even moving towards coastal lying South American countries. The impact could be much worse as many of these countries are developing states and their economies rely heavily on coastal industries such as fishing and tourism. The political "brotherhood" could be further strained between countries such as Cuba and US.

An undersea spill is much worse than the surface spill of the 1989 Exxon Valdez. This current spill could see the expansion of a seasonal "dead zone" that already sickens the Gulf of Mexico as a result of years of industrial pollutants and agricultural run-off from the Mississippi River. The undersea oil poses a direct threat to marine wildlife and ecosystems. Over 1000 birds, 500 sea turtles and 51 mammals have died in this disaster (these numbers may be conservative), and numerous more affected by the oil soaked ocean. It would be like seeing a dolphin on crack. Not a pretty sight! Beyond all these effects, the oil is also starting to wash up into coastal wetlands already besieged by overdevelopment and pollution.

And where is BP in all this?! Showing corporate responsibility by dishing out over $50 million in advertising. If you ask me, if you were doing the job on the ground and ensuring that you hire people, address claims efficiently and increase the clean-up efforts, there wouldn't be a need for propaganda to highlight your 'good image'. Your image on the ground alone would have enabled you to rise above this. It is unnerving to think that corporations, like BP, control vast social resources while making decisions, affecting millions of lives, based mainly on profits. BP now stands for Born Polluters.

One silver lining to this catastrophe is that it highlights the interconnectedness between our oceans and ourselves. It’s a wake-up call to move to more sustainable renewable energy, and for us all to make the changes necessary in our life to help the blue heart of our planet.

Ubuntu and Mandela Day

On July 18, Nelson Mandela will celebrate his 92nd birthday. In 2009, the UN agreed to commemorate Mandela's birthday yearly in recognition of this Nobel Peace Prize laureate's contribution to democracy; equality; reconciliation; diversity; responsibility; respect and freedom.

On this day, you are encouraged to devote 67 minutes of your time to a public service, a selfless act. You can feed the hungry, care for an elderly, donate clothes to the homeless or orphanages or any other activities that remind you of the beautiful qualities that makes us human, our ubuntu.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu explained that, "Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality - Ubuntu - you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole world."

This day is here to inspire us, to remind us, that we can make a difference in this world, no matter how small, and to the things we see daily that overwhelms us - poverty, corruption, discrimination. This is your opportunity to extend your goodness, your ubuntu, to someone else.

Please do your part for the global movement of Ubuntu.

Waiting for Life

My sister is constantly waiting. She's waiting for something to happen in order to begin "living life". She waited until she got a new job in order to socialise with friends, she waited until she got engaged to be comfortable and happy with who she is, she waited until she moved to another country to pursue her career goals, now she's waiting to move to a different apartment in order to socialise with friends. Along the path of waiting, nothing was truly accomplished.

Unfortunately, what my sister failed to realised is that nothing "just happens" in life, you've got to go out there and make it happen, make it work for you. My beautiful sister, like numerous people out there, are told that if they just 'believe' or 'visualise' the things they want, that the Universe will give it to you effortlessly, without you having to raise a finger. That's similar to you thinking that you'll win the Lottery, without even bothering to buy a ticket!

Throughout my years, I've come to realise that we're the one who makes things happen in our lives. Many are often inhibited by fears of failure to take that first step. By taking small steps, such as singing in the morning, allows you to break your monotonous, routine-filled life. By taking small steps, you can find the courage to undertake bigger and more adventurous steps, to the life you want.

If you're waiting for life to begin, be prepared to wait a very long time. Like all things in life - be it new friends, your next meal, your career - life will not come to you. If you don't make it happen, no one else will.

"How does one become a butterfly? she asked pensively. You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." - Trina Paulus

The Audacity of Stupidity

People do really stupid things sometimes. It's a fact of life and more often than we care to admit. The worse part is that you never know when these moments of verbal and physical "diarrhea" will sneak up on you. After the devilish deed is done, you wish the ground would open and swallow you whole as facing the embarrassment is worse than going to hell and meeting Satan himself. This has led me to my theory that we're similar to elephants in this regard. People like elephants never forget, especially stupid and embarrassing acts of others. They'll forget your telephone number, your birthday and even your name, but they'll never forget that day you made a disconcerted spectacle of yourself. Pity hindsight happens more often than foresight.

I've had my share of idiotic moments. Such as hitching a ride home from a high school party with a guy I had a crush on and then blurting out in my drunken stupor that I'm a virgin. He was saying WTF too (and no he didn't get lucky). Or visiting someone who proclaimed to have psychic powers to tell me if my then-ex was going to return to me, and wasting hard-earned cash (the fake ones cannot predict the future, so they might as well make you feel good). Or falling in love with someone who deceived you several times while convincing you it was your entire fault.

These acts committed in ever-reoccurring stupidity may be there to teach you something about yourself and others. It may teach you to be aware of your limits while aiming for the sky, the importance of spending wisely, and to honour and trust yourself. It is said that you can never hide from regret or remorse. I would like to believe that a lesson learned should never be something to regret despite the circumstances under which you have learnt it.

Lemons

Being ill recently, I've been asking numerous questions (to no one in particular). Yesterday, I received a call from Aunty J, an indigenous elder from one of the communities I've had the privilege of working in. I met Aunty J almost 6 years ago while I was conducting an environmental programme in several communities within the region. I contracted a bout of the chicken pox. She kept me in her home for a month so she could heal me and I could recuperate. We spent many days together; countless hours talking and connecting. She taught, while I listened (and slept!).

Aunty J said she felt the urge to speak with me. I haven't spoken to Aunty J in over 3 months, mainly due to my travels in the field. She reiterated the story of a fellow villager who recently had "stomach cramps", which was later diagnosed as gallstones. The villager's husband conducted a mini-experiment with the gallstones after it was removed, using lemons to dissolve the calcified stones. Another villager, diagnosed with the same condition, and upon hearing of the mini-experiment, started drinking the lemon juice, 3 times per day. His troublesome gallstones have apparently 'disappeared'. Coming from anyone else, I'd probably have put it down to sheer luck.

Later that day, I had a doctor's appointment, with no clear answers and more contradictions to my own condition. Thus begun the waiting game. I felt helpless and needed more information on my options for treatment. My father started orchestrating his own mini-research. He came across numerous homeopathy treatment and in most cases they contained........(wait for it).....lemons!

Sometimes the Universe brings the information we need via persons whom we cannot ignore (in spite of all the stubbornness). The synchronicity of it all!

Aging Gracefully

Does happiness decrease with age? According to a Gallup poll conducted in May 2010 it apparently does. The US study of 340,000 people claims that after leaving puberty at the age of 18 (for some of us), happiness steadily declines until we're in our early 50s. Then it does a complete 180 degree on us and our happy hormones climbs back up. From 50 onwards, most things becomes wonderful for everyone.

According to the study, 85 year olds are even more satisfied with themselves than they were at 18. This is very good news for those of us who wants to age gracefully (maybe sneaking in a couple of botox here and there). Scientists aren't certain what causes this turn around in our 50s. Gender, marital status, current events, employment or parenthood didn't make a significant difference to our happiness level.

But here's an idea: maybe we're just so bloody exhausted after 50 years of work and worrying! Building a career, raising a family, paying a mortgage, babysitting a partner, worrying about the wrinkles and the fact that your once perky breasts now rests somewhere near your hips, making dinner every night for the last 30+ years, doing infinite loads of laundry, putting on weight, loosing weight, putting it on again, entertaining people you don't like - it leaves you dog-tired! So by the time you've reached 50, you say BLEEP IT! It's my time, I'm still here. I like who I am - wrinkles, weight and all.

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayal or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, everyday, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer-

Nirvana

Tonight, I watched James Cameron's Avatar. Despite it being the second time I viewed it, it's one of those movies where you anticipate its content. From a technical point (if I had any expertise in this area), the graphics were stunning!!

The story goes deeper than love across cultures and adventure. It touches on spirituality and consciousness, the awareness of who and where you are in the universe. That got me thinking; definitely need for some concern there.

Now, I'm unequivocally not religious. Like most dysfunctional families (I'm sure I'll find statistics somewhere on the net proving this point), I have diabolically religious parents, who on a daily basis swears that my happiness is directly proportional to praying multiple times a day to an angry God who needs us frightful beings subdued in order to feel good. I'm just not buying that, sorry. Neither am I interested in the New Age Tom Cruise BS. By the way, Tom Cruise cannot act. I don't know why people keep insisting that he speaks in movies. He should do what he does best: smile and look pretty.

Though I respect you for your beliefs, they just aren't mine, and I wish people would stop trying to 'save my damned soul'. It may be damned for a reason.

What I am particularly interested in is the concept of using our minds and attitude to change our destiny, to connect to the universe, God, Allah, Shiva, energy, or whatever you wish to call it, and more importantly to move physical mass. Our thoughts interacting with the physical world to effect change all the way down to the atomic level. Yes, I know, this sounds like an ad for 'The Secret'; though I am 'visualizing' a nice cold mango and lime juice right now. I'm not speaking about mainstream religion here. I'm speaking about spirituality. Personally defined, religion offers a system of beliefs (and conformity) while spirituality offers trust in yourself, giving you the power to change your destiny, a belief that God is within you and not sitting on a throne, reigning down his Godly might.

Historically, many spiritual leaders have spoken about reaching a higher level of consciousness, your 'Nirvana', such as Buddha, Gandhi, Tao and even scientists such as Newton and Einstein. Many ancient cultures and indigenous people, also held the belief that we, humans, had Godlike powers, and more importantly, our interconnectedness to the Universe, Earth, each other, is what makes us whole.

Sadly, I must concede that I have not attained an elevated consciousness as yet. I'm working on it and I'm sure it'll take years of trail and error to get there, and then more years of trail and error. It's a process, not a race.

As Avatar depicts, we are born twice, once in our natural state, and for those of us who cannot morph into little blue Smurfs, maybe the second one represents the birth of a deeper consciousness, our Nirvana.

2010 World Cup

Today, I continued to watch the World Cup. Yes, I'm a football fan. Cheering and jumping like a raving lunatic and happier than Mickey Mouse at a May parade.

It's dismal to say the least that my country is no where near the qualifying mark. We lack eye-limb coordination and all other brain necessities required for sports. Though if we did ACTUALLY qualify, i.e. the team we were playing against all suddenly dropped off the planet, the President would immediately declare it a national holiday and party for one month, ensuring that all the players were invited and their exercise regime consisted solely of raising their rum glasses to their lips.

If the World Cup suddenly morphed into a drinking contest, then you'll be stumped. We'll beat you hands down and still walk out the door sober. We're unofficially qualifying for the mythical "Drunkards of the Millennia" Award with the Irish.

So my pick for 2010 World Cup is either Argentina or Brasil. It's definitely a South American thing for me.

Argentina because Messi and Higuian are great players. I love how Diego Maradona gives bear hugs to all his players. No doubt Barcelona will miss having Messi in their team but so much more for us, South Americans who need to come together and celebrate (not that there's a shortage of parties or reasons for them: it's Wednesday, Screw Work, My period is over).

Brasil because they've got Robhinho and Elano. Simply said.

So come July 11, I'll be here, like all the dysfunctional people, raving for Argentina or Brazil. VAMOS Argentina y Brasil!!!

New Beginnings or Continuation of Old Chapters

It's 2:45AM. Insomniac, maybe. Restless, definitely. Lost, of course.

29 yrs old, in a job that I've learned all I can from, living in a country that no longer entices me, heartbroken, and living at home with the folks. 

For the last several weeks, I've been dining with doctors on a diet that consists entirely of cardboard, hold the butter please. After weeks of making me a human dartboard, the final verdict (maybe) was gallstones, acidity and cysts in both ovaries. Lovely combination for a prescription of no work, no sleep, no eating and endless assortments of pain. 

Life in comatose. Life made simple. Life who don't need you to teach its lessons. Simply to learn them. 

Almost 30. Almost married. Almost alive...but almost doesn't count, does it?